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A regular feature published exclusively online on the Internet's premier resource for all things holistic, OfSpirit.com

Dear Laura,
Every year for the holidays, I feel pulled in a million directions. My in-laws and my parents all expect us to make the rounds and visit them, the kids have school activities, we have work parties to attend, shopping, cooking, it just all gets to be too much! What I really want to do is run away for a few weeks and not look back. I feel like I am letting everyone down, but my heart is just not in it. Please help.

--K.

Dear K.,
Every year at this time I see normally sound and reasonable people go a bit berserk.
Just why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves?... Because we are fed a steady diet by the media that is brainwashing us with commercialism, and the idea that if our lives don't look like a Hallmark card then there must be something wrong with us. Women are especially sensitive to the pressures of this hype because traditionally we are in roles to serve others. But how we can appreciate any of it when we are so busy rushing around just to get it all done? The pressure is enormous, unhealthy and unrealistic.

It's time for you to stop running on auto pilot take back your own power. Start today, turn off the TV and make a list of what is important and meaningful to you about the holidays. Search your heart for some alternatives to the chaos. If too much traveling is a problem, consider having all the parents and in-laws over to your place. One family I know moved the big gathering into the summer months, so that they can have more stillness at home during winter. Another goes on a family vacation to someplace warm and sunny every December. Another puts names in a hat and has a $10 spending limit. Still another gave up the big gift exchanging and donated the money to a charity. Another spends it serving food together at the homeless shelter. Another goes for a family hike, and another goes to the movies!

Use that same creative energy that normally helps get you through it all in a whole new way--to redefine the meaning in it. Sit with your partner and children and explain to them that you love them, but this year you are going to do things in a new way. Ask them for their willingness as their best gift in return to you. Ask them to help participate, and to help figure out what is meaningful and important. Perhaps they can contribute in the pared down preparations by taking on some of the tasks that you used to do alone.

I hope you can love yourself enough to be willing to change this. When you do, the real meaning of this time of year will come through. And remember, none of us needs a yearly holiday to show those around us that we love and appreciate them. We can do it anytime! A heartfelt note can have ten times the meaning of anything you can buy at the mall. Think less stuff, more sustenance. Good luck!


Dear Laura,
Since last September, I have been wanting to leave my corporate job (of 12 years) and start my own small business. This would mean giving up the success and title I have achieved, the security of regular paychecks, benefits and health insurance--at least initially. My wife and friends think I am crazy to want to leave my so-called prestigious position for less. I feel if I don't try I will never know. Do you have any thoughts?

--PT

Dear PT,
I have a great cartoon hanging in my office that has the image of a big shot business man, sitting behind a very large desk, talking to an underling. The big wig says, "When I was little, all I wanted to be was a rich and powerful business man. Now that I am one, what I really want to be is a fireman." This sounds a lot like you. All I can say is that if your heart is calling you then I truly hope you can find a way to heed it soon, before the price of not heeding it becomes too high. Sit down with your wife and show her your business plan. Convince her why it will work, and what the time frame is for doing do. Help her to understand why your spirit needs this. I wish you much success!


Dear Laura,
I just lost my much loved and best friend Charlie after 11 years. I miss him very much and am having a hard time dealing with the sense of loss. I don't know where to turn, since everyone seems to think, "oh, it was just a dog!!" as if it shouldn't matter that much...I keep looking for him...I know he will come back in some way, and that I have to let him go...I am just lost.....

--Rachel


"Borrowed from heaven for just a short while some folks think you can't see an animal smile but us we know different 'cuz we've felt their love a small slice of heaven, sent from above." © Laura Scott


Dear Rachel,
I know your pain. There is no such thing as "just a dog" or "just a cat", or even the phrase "just a"... when it comes to an animal being's unfailing love, companionship, honesty and support. Shame on all those who try to minimize your grief. The heart knows no bounds in it's capacity to love, and does not discriminate to whom or how it will apply it.

Please be very gentle with yourself as you go through the grieving process. I suggest getting a bottle of Rescue Remedy and keeping it close at hand. If you can't find a few friends who will let you talk openly and freely share your grief, you may do well with a counselor, or an on-line chat room where you can connect with other kindred spirits who are grieving the loss of a beloved companion.

Grief takes as long as it takes. There are no time-lines or rules. Companion beings like Charlie often take on emotional roles to us as surrogate parents, or surrogate children or brother or best friend to us. In our often crazy, fast paced world, sometimes the unfailing love of a pet is the only thing that truly makes sense! The fact that you have "merely" lost a pet in some folk's eyes is in no way relevant to the depth of your grief. All life matters equally to the Universe. The heart does not distinguish levels of love and loss.

Some people feel that getting a new pet right away is best, while others would strongly disagree. Animals are superb healers and teachers in their own right. They give us much and ask for little in return. They don't have stuff to 'keep working on' so it is rare that they need to come back. Your grief shows that you have a great capacity to love, and Charlie's passing, as god-awful as it feels right now, should begin to ease with time.

In the meanwhile, when you are ready to share your space once more, there are many eager animal beings already here on earth anxiously awaiting the opportunity to assist, serve and support you on the next part of your journey. I hope you will eventually allow yourself to share that capacity for love again, and that you understand that this will never diminish the love that you had for Charlie. He filled entire chapters of your life, and is permanently woven into the ongoing tapestry that is you. Indeed, I wish you the rich good fortune of knowing many many more Charlie's when the time is right. In the meantime, I send you peace and a big hug.


Dear Laura,
Why am I not having any success attracting the "right" type of person to create a lasting relationship? When I do find someone and we are mutually attracted, he is not the type to enter a long term relationship. Lately I just don't seem to be able to meet/attract anyone. Is this the way it's meant to be or am I doing something wrong?

--KK

Dear KK,
The words we speak and the thoughts we think have a lot of power. Therefore, if you want to attract 'the "right" type of person to create a lasting relationship' I suggest that you get serious about putting down on paper what exactly that means to you. Be specific. List what is important to you, include complimentary qualities, traits, goals and integrity points. Once you have done this, your homework is to read it out loud daily, and watch what you say during the rest of the day. If you focus on what you are not getting, you will actually create more of it. Shift your focus by affirming, "I am now attracting the perfect person to me. I am worthy of a lasting relationship, and I accept it now. I am willing to love at another level." Be patient, and know that in the mean time, you are still a valid, productive, contributing and integral part of the planet. Focus on being whole all by yourself, and live your life fully and completely in the meanwhile.



Laura Scott is an internationally renown psychic, spiritual teacher and channel for healing. Her mission is to help people with the work of the soul and provide insight on their life journey.

Ask Laura is a published advice column imparting spiritual advice for yourself, your neighbor, pets, family matters, dreams, work situations, health, relationships, and more. Questions are evaluated for publication use on an overall basis for helping others. For questions in which a response would be relative only to you, we strongly recommend that you schedule a private reading. If you have something that you would like to ask Laura, send your brief question to: Ask Laura@ancientstardust.com.

Ask Laura is a regular bimonthly column featured exclusively on-line on the internets premier resource for all things holistic, OfSpirit.com. Submission of question is considered permission to publish for use in future columns.