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Ask Laura Archives
by Laura Scott

Dear Laura,
I love my husband, but he is definitely "high maintenance." I would like to go on a retreat with some girl friends, but he says it isn't fair for me to go and have an adventure without him. I love him a lot, but how can I get him to understand that I need some time to reunion with my women friends?
— (Name withheld upon request)

Dear Dutiful,

It is important for both partners to spend quality time with their same sex friends. Recent studies say it's not only fun, but essential for a sense of well-being and healing! Unmet needs can fester into things far worse, like resentment, depression, loneliness, illness and more.

Tell your husband that you need to have a relationship meeting; set a time to talk from a loving place about this specific concern that you are having. Explain that this pattern is no longer working for you. Practice ahead of time so you are able to stay calm, loving, and in a productive space. Focus on the unmet need and how it makes you feel to not have it met.

Include ideas for solutions, for example, "Perhaps while I take a weekend retreat with the girls, you can plan one with the boys. That way neither one of us is left sitting alone while the other one is off reconnecting." Give your partner time to digest and consider what you have said, then plan to meet again to continue the discussion and move into solution.

Remember, you are an equal partner in this relationship corporation, so be willing to identify and negotiate for your needs. Start small, and work up to longer getaways. Be reassuring, keep your intentions honorable and frame this as a necessary time of spiritual renewal - because that is precisely what it is.

Dear Laura,
Do angles and guides or spirit beings watch us whenever they want or need to, or are they always around us watching? If so, do they see everything we do?
— Suddenly Self-conscious in Watertown

Dear Suddenly,

This is a great question. I don't want to overwhelm you, but in addition to our guides, angels and loved ones checking in on us, there are also viewing rooms on the other side as well! Often when there is a lot going on or a big celebratory event, many come to check in and observe the festivities.

Does this mean that you have no privacy? Yes and no. There really are no voyeurs on the other side. It isn't part of their interest or code, so they aren't concerned with your private moments, unless you have specifically asked them to be there. While viewing galleries are often quite celebratory, they are also used to support and provide further training for guides when you are going through a dark night of the soul. If you are passing through a particularly rough time, your unseen supporters draw in even closer and help in any way they can. Master teachers and ascended ones come in to help support the situation from all angles, reminding guides what they can and cannot do.

And yes, it's true that they hear the thoughts you think but haven't said out loud. Their roles are undertaken with much sacredness and they share your learning journey...lumps, bumps and all!

Dear Laura,
I am 48 years old and have been driving since I was 16. Recently I began to have anxiety, fear and now terror about driving over bridges. I have been leaving early and taking different routes to avoid driving over them, but there are only so many excuses I can give. What is going on? Why am I suddenly having such problems with something I've done thousands of times before? Am I losing it?
— J.M., MA Dear J.M.,

This actually is more common than you think, and is likely related to a past life event (i.e., things are going along just fine, until you approach a certain age, and whamo! - it triggers off cellular memories from events from another life time. Suddenly the women who's driven over thousands of bridges can't bring herself to drive over one more). I suggest you seek out professional hypnosis to help you uncover the event that needs releasing. Chances are you'll discover that when you were this age in another lifetime, you had a life-altering event involving a bridge. You didn't do anything to bring this on. The natural process of aging just reawakened something that was dormant. With professional guidance, you can witness past life events unfold as if watching a movie, and use "reframing" to calm those resurfacing cellular memories. Don't wait much longer to have peace of mind again. And happy safe driving!

Dear Laura,
Can objects hold energy? Like furniture?
— Betty F. Dear Betty,

Absolutely! All objects are made up of atoms and atoms contain energy. Did you ever enter a room and feel an emotion like joy or sadness or tranquility? Even empty rooms and houses have energetic impressions. So do gardens, vehicles, stones, clothing and much more. Not only do the material component atoms hold energy, but so do our bodies, thoughts and feelings. This is a very powerful metaphysical concept. It means that our thoughts and feelings can leave imprints and add to an existing object's energy.

If you are a collector of the "pre-owned," I suggest you create a cleansing ritual for these newfound treasures and do your part to clear off any stale energy. You can choose from several different forms of vibrational energy such as flower essence sprays, lavender mists, moonbeam baths, Reiki and more.

Dear Laura,
My beloved husband passed away a couple months ago. Although everyone says he will come visit me in my dreams, so far nothing has happened. Another friend of his recently had a dream visit from him. Why would he go to them before he came and visited me?
— Mrs. E.

Dear Mrs. E.,

I am so glad that you wrote to me. Heartfelt condolences, friend. This is an important question that I often hear from folks like yourself who have lost a loved one. There can be much frustration and confusion from not being able to communicate with the departed in ways that we are used to. It's the same from the other side; spirits sometimes feel like no one here is listening or paying attention! All we need to do is be willing to understand and learn that there are new ways to communicate.

Once a soul leaves the corporeal body, it passes through the tunnel of light leading to the other side, experiences a life review and then there is usually a period of re-acclimation. Some souls leave the body, and their Earth life behind easier than others. Since time does not exist in the spirit world, to them it can seem like 5 minutes has passed, while to you and I it may literally be more like 5 months. Sometimes loved ones will immediately be able to materialize or come in dream visits to let you know they are OK. In other cases, dream visits never happen. Instead, different forms of communication are subtly taking place right before our eyes and we just need to know what to watch for. Which form of contact you get has nothing to do with being good or more deserving. Our loved ones are doing the best they can and may even be busy adjusting to their new realm of existence. It is absolutely not a statement of them no longer loving you. Love is eternal.

Besides coming to us in dreams, loved ones, angels and our guides can also communicate to us through manipulation of energy. This is often their easiest form of reaching out to us, as they exist in the realm of pure energy. One of the more common contacts is through tapping or clicking. You might hear a tapping on the window pane when nothing is "there" to explain it, or you may get clicking on the phone line when you are using it. You may smell a hint of their after shave in the air or their favorite brand of tobacco. Some people experience the sensation of someone sitting on their bed at night. You may also be filled with a sense of knowing that you are being helped through something or that it was made easier for you. The more you take notice and appreciate these types of subtle moments, the more you will draw in their energy.

Dear Laura,
One of my friends recently let me down on something she agreed to. When I tried to tell her that I was hurt and upset, she got nasty and blamed me. I wasn't prepared for her attack on top of the letdown. It was doubly hurtful. Looking back, now I can see a pattern of her needs always coming first, and mine not being taken seriously by her. I consider myself to be a spiritual person, but does that mean that I have to participate in relationships where I feel disrespected and unheard?
— Still Smarting in CT

Dear SS,

Being spiritual doesn't mean that you have to be a doormat. It sounds like this person simply isn't able to be the type of friend that you need anymore. Although it is sad to let go of relationships that no longer serve us, it is important to love yourself enough to be willing to do it. Life has a way of providing us with opportunities for change all the time. I like to call them "invitations." Many relationships are transitory, because remember, we are in a state of learning and growing. Some are moving faster than others, and from time to time things fall apart a little to invite in change.

This is your chance to evaluate what you want in new friendships. It's like changing over your closet with the seasons: you look at what you have, decide what works, what needs replacing or repairing, and then determine what you are missing and go shopping. In this case, I would say go "manifesting." Sit and write out a list of what you are looking for in new friendships. Be specific. Read it out loud from time to time and know that you have been heard.

By letting go of what no longer works, you are making room for what you want to bring in. You are raising your vibration of self-love and self-worth and inviting in healthier relationships to mirror this and better support you. The Universe will respond. And remember, "It's not the letting go that hurts, it's the holding on."

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